Sunday, 20 May 2018

BREATHING ROOM


For coming up to 3 years now I have lived and breathed all things BearHugs. Every hour of every day it has been on my mind in some capacity. Its been completely all-consuming and as a result I’ve not had the opportunity to take much time ‘out of office’. 

With my amazing little team on board though it has finally become feasible to take a step back and this week Jared and I have been away with friends. 

For the first day or so it felt amazing to take a little breather. Like a weight had been lifted and my brain was freed up for other thoughts. But then an overwhelming dark feeling started to kick in. 

The fact I wasn’t needed or actively taking steps forward with BearHugs all of a sudden felt like I was failing. Like I’d let down myself and my team by not continuing to make progress. Writing this now, it does seem silly but at the time my less kind inner voice was very convincing. 

I've been fortunate enough to generally see the thought, care and attention I’ve put into BearHugs materialise as opportunities and growth for the business. Lately though things have levelled off a little. Sales aren’t dropping but they’re not increasing at the same rate as before and professionally less opportunities have come my way. 

This was of course inevitable. Especially when to look after myself better I’ve actively decided to put myself out there less and limit the time I work per week. But that irrational mean little voice seems convinced that this drop off must mean I’ve stagnated. That I’ve peaked and it will only be downhill from now onwards. 

When I’ve felt like this before I’ve tended to throw myself back into work with full force but this time I’m going to try a different tact. Maybe the fact I’m having these thoughts is a sign in itself that I need the rest and space. Is it healthy to place so much stock in the progress and productivity of my working life? 

That nasty feeling is quite hard to shake but for the rest of this week I’m going to try my absolute hardest to make the most of every second out of the office. I’m going to put the emphasis on the other things that matter like Jared and friends and doing things just because I want to. Maybe I'll come back fresh with all new ideas and plans that will help fuel BearHugs' growth, or maybe I won't. But at the very least I will have tipped the balance back in favour of my personal life which goodness knows is very much needed. 

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